What is it about dogs and sticks? Perhaps more correctly, what is it about dogs, sticks, and water. Darling Wife and myself were in Windsor Great Park yesterday afternoon. If I saw one person throw a stick into the lake for a dog, then I must have seen fifty or more.

We were near Virginia Water where there is a great big lake which has easy access from the path that runs around it. It was almost a perfect winters day. Blue skies, not too cold, but with a bitter wind that reminded us that we are still in January. Despite the wind, it was just the sort of day for wrapping up and going for a walk. An awful lot of people seemed to have the same idea as us, and it seemed that the vast majority of them had dogs.

Big dogs, small dogs, yapping dogs and barking dogs. There were dogs of pedigree and dogs of uncertain ancestry. Dogs with shaggy, dirty coats and dogs that looked like they had come straight from the poodle parlour.

Whatever the dog, there were two common themes. They were happy, and their masters were throwing sticks for them (invariably into the lake).

So, back to the question. Why do dogs love chasing after sticks? Now if it was a rabbit, or a cat then fair enough. But a stick?

This is apparently how it works. You hurl a stick (or ball) as far as you possibly can and your dog hurtles off barking grabs the stick and brings it back to you. Having chased down the stick, and brought it back the owner promptly throws it again, and bugger me if the dog doesn't go chasing after it with the same boundless enthusiasm. And here's the real rub. If you don't throw the stick, the bloody dog will start barking at you until you do so!

Such is the allure of this game, that if some poor mutt is being neglected by his master and does not have anything of his own to fetch, then he'll chase after some other dog's stick and then all hell will break loose.

I like dogs, I think they're great. But boy, are they stupid!

My last two CD purchases have been by Nelly Furtado and Jamelia. Nothing wrong with that some of you might think. But considering that my favourite bands include, Nirvana, The Pixies, and Led Zepplin; the two additions to my CD Library are rather out of character. Other recent purchases have inclued Neil Diamond and Johnny Cash, and perhaps a little more in character, My Chemical Romance.

I know tastes change as we get older, but this is ridiculous!

Anyway, Loose by Nelly F and Walk With Me by Jamelia.

Buy them!

Now!

Below is a transcript of a conversation I just had. I was trying to ring a lady in my main office. Name have been changed to protect the inocent (the lady I was trying to reach) and the stupid (the silly bint who answered the phone and who also shares the line).

SMILEY "Hi, is that Mary?"
JULIE "No, it's Julie"
SMILEY "Is Mary there?
JULIE "Yes"

Long silence

SMILEY "Can you put her on?"
JULIE "Oh, do you want to talk to her?
SMILEY "Of course I want to talk to her, you dumbwitted cow, that's why I called"

But, of course, I didn't say that last line. Instead I just meekly said yes.

Did she think I was some mentally retarded idiot who just rings up random numbers in the phone book asking to talk to people.

I mean, really!

I've never really been one to complain about the world dominance of Starbucks and the other coffee-shop chains. As someone who travels around the world, it's nice to know that I can go in to a shop and get something the same as I get in Windsor. I'm not saying I'm not adventurous because I'm not. I'll willingly eat the local fare and drink the local alcohol. But when it comes to coffee, I know what I like and Starbucks, Costa Coffee and the others can provide it. In the distant past, I've had some pretty awful 'coffee' and I have no desire to repeat the experience. In France, you could go to pretty much any café and get an excellent cup. Alas, the rest of the world does not have the same exacting standards and so if I'm in a new place and see a recognisable coffee-shop I'll head for it.

I do realise the big boys have a negative effect on the local places though. In my home town of Haywards Heath, there are 2 local cafes. They used to be bustling little places serving good, reasonably priced, coffee and tea. Now Haywards Heath has a Costa Coffee as well (still no McDonalds thank God).

I was down at HH this morning and both local cafes were pretty much empty and the Costa was packed. As I know the other places serve good coffee, I decided to strike a blow for small independent trader and went into one of the other shops. I was the only customer. As I was walking to the counter my mobile rang. It was one of my customers and I knew it would be a long call, so I told him I would ring back in a few minutes (after I had ordered my brew). Arriving at the counter, the lad serving opened the conversation with,
"You can't use mobiles in here, it upsets the customers"
I made a show of looking round before pointing out that I was a customer, indeed I was THE ONLY customer and that as I wasn't upset I couldn't see the problem.
"Doesn't matter, it's the rules"
I asked him that if I wanted to use my mobile did that mean I had to stand outside in the snow?
"Yes, it’s the rules"

Now, I know lots of people detest others using their mobiles, and if there had been customers in the shop, I would probably have just turned my phone off. As well as good coffee, the shops sells particularly tasty pasties and I had my heart set on one. Indeed if I'm honest, it was the pasty I was in the shop for. Never mind the small independent trader, I'll take a big fat pasty over a sticky, over-priced, cake any day!

But there weren't other customers. There was no sign that there ever had been, or ever would be other customers. Of course, for all I know, the shop might be the haunt of the local 'We Hate Mobile Telephones Society'. Maybe in the afternoons, it is a welcome haven for those who have no desire to have their lattes interrupted with cries of "I'm in the coffee-shop mum!". It just seems to me that if I had a business that was under threat from a large multi-national concern with a strong brand appeal, then I might be willing to make concessions to try and attract and keep customers.

Anyway, I decided that I had spent enough time and effort on the small independent trader and went and joined the other good citizens of Haywards Heath in Costa Coffee!

Ok, this is it. The last chance for this blog. Having only posted 3 or 4 times last year, I guess this attempt will also fail, but here goes anyway. I have decided to blog about all the stupid annoying people that get right up my nose!

The title of the blog comes from a recent comment made to a colleague in the office. Upon ordering a latte in a coffee shop, the dimwitted twat behind the counter asked if he wanted milk in it? Hello? I can understand some customers not knowing that a latte was a milky coffee but the staff?

Coffee shops such as Starbucks and Costa Coffe (Costa being the relevant word there) are supposed to be trendy and the 'in-thing'.

Yeah, right. You queue for an hour, pay an extortionate amount of a money to some spotty little moron who doesn't have a clue what he's selling for a cup of frothy milk and a dash of coffee. I can almost understand the gormless idiots who work in PC World not knowing a thing about the PC's they sell; after all a PC can be quite complicated. But a coffee shop attendant. It's not really rocket science is it?

Anyway, it's just this sort of thing that irritates the hell out of me and will hopefully inspire me to keep blogging.